Read our Terms, Refunds and Privacy pages for pricing, support and data details.
First names. No dossiers.
Use your own first name, a fictional nickname, or a consenting adult’s first name. No surnames, full names, identifying handles, workplaces, minors, slurs, threats or targeted harassment. Religious figure names and our brand are protected. You can propose additional names through Report / removal. Shared names are labels, not verified people. “Sucks” is a scripted joke, not a factual claim.
The paid experiment
Three spoken announcements, a downloadable joke certificate and included replays. New paid names start at $1 CAD before tax. Only completed payments double the next base price for a normalized name. Fourteen paid declarations retire it; the last base price is $8,192 CAD. Stripe confirms applicable tax, the total and any available local-currency price before payment. There are no prizes, investments or ownership rights. Free activity and replays never count as paid revenue or claim paid milestones.
When something goes wrong
Report content or request removal without an account or payment. We may remove content or block names. For an announcement or certificate that fails, contact hello@officiallysucks.lol with its reference. For a payment error, duplicate charge or undelivered purchase, use the same support contact. Applicable consumer rights remain unaffected.
Brands bring their own homework
Advertisers must own or have authorization for their brand, website and poster. Their email must match the website domain and be verified. Ads must be relevant and accurate. Approval is a review, not an endorsement. The minimum protected placement is five minutes; it stays longer until the next approved poster takes over. We promise no traffic or business results.
Ideas are public
Use a fictional handle. Keep suggestions harmless and free of private information. Votes guide what we might build; they are not a promise. We can hide abusive submissions. Starter examples and sample votes are labeled, not passed off as community activity.
What we store
Declaration labels, timestamps, prices and payment references; advertiser account IDs, email verification and submitted posters; ideas, votes and private reports. Card details stay with payment providers. A random browser cookie estimates visitors, participation, shares and votes. Clearing cookies or automation can affect these counts. No advertising tracker is needed to play.
Share the joke, keep the context
Certificates show a snapshot, not a character reference. Get permission before targeting someone. You are responsible for your submissions, rights and off-site sharing. Third-party ads and websites are their owners’ responsibility. Any liability limits apply only where the law permits; this page does not waive mandatory rights or offer universal immunity.
The most important rule
If the joke stops being fun for someone involved, stop. We built a megaphone, not an excuse.